Now and Again
by Love is for Fools
Summary: I did so much for you, but you can not see it. And every time you think of your past love it breaks my heart knowing you could never love me as I've become. (It may not be who you think it is.)


**Love is for fools: Try your best to try to guess who it is before the end. Italics express strong emotion, and a mix of bold and italics is a flash back.**

**I don't own Inuyasha so don't sue. Please?**

* * *

I watched you carefully, to make sure you wouldn't try anything.

Even if you had friends to fall back on . . . it still scared me that you might feel you had to be with the love of your life, in death or otherwise.

You felt guilt--I knew it rolled off you in waves--you didn't think it should have ended that way.

You wanted your past love, even though I stood right in front of you; your death would mean nothing and you would never see your love again.

I nearly bark with bitter laughter. I can't even say your love's name in my mind.

We are the two in the same, I realize that after all this time, I wanted to believe--pretend--to be some one else, but we both in the end made the same mistakes.

I smiled a whole lot, until my cheeks hurt. Just in hope to see you like me for who I'd become. You always complained that I should be more like this or that, so I did.

I did it, yet, you pay me no heed.

_I did so much for you, but you can not see it. And every time you think of your past love it breaks my heart._

I always thought of you as a strong person, so imagine my surprise when you broke down in my arms. Crying....as though you could never live again. Then you kissed me desperately on the lips

I almost cried myself, _why couldn't you see me, who I was._ I hated being a reincarnation, if you loved me it would never be for who I've become, but who I used to be.

I saw the look of shock and hurt on your face when I told to stop acting like a baby. You thought of yourself as the type of person that upheld the outlook of 'even though I've been given a horrible life, I never complain about it'.

You never even thought about _me_, how I felt about being a replacement, it was always about _you_, _your pain, your hurt_.

I can't believe I never saw how utterly _selfish_ you could be....are being.

You pretend that you don't have a clue as to way I'm acting like this. You had thought I cared.

I do . . . .it is you that doesn't care. I will not continue to allow you to push me around, and only have me when I'm useful to you.

I back up ready to walk away. I would _never_ make the mistake of letting you use me again.

When I use to think you cared for me, I did anything you asked. I'd even jump off a bridge to make you happy.

I guess, in the end, you and I where never meant to be. So much for your little fairy tale, I won't save you this time. This heart ache . . . . is something that you have to beat by yourself. I can only stand to be a friend. It'd kill me again to be anything more.

_"I'm sorry. But, I will not stand for being a replacement or second-best. All we'll ever be is friends. I can never be the love of your life again." _I push your hands away, they were trying to pull me back to you. I remember this happening before, it's familiar. I start to walk out the door way. You wonder how I found out about all your meetings with your love.

_**"Come away with me, we can be happy together."**_

_**"I'm sorry, but I don't love you."**_

_**"That wretch!"**_

_**I chose you instead, my second mistake. The first was ever falling in love with either of you.**_

_**The hands reached out to pull me back by force, but the spell that had held me captive before was gone.**_

I've been betrayed one to many times by you. The first for trusting you and giving you my heart, and then being told that I had caused harm to you. I'm afraid your wrong, it was the other way around. And then I gave my life for you, and you try to replace me--unknowingly--with myself. _And you thought I wouldn't know I was a replacement, that I was too absent minded!_

I guess I still have a bit of my old self in me. I'll let you wonder for a while what I meant. I'm not that nice.

"See you later." I know I will, you'll come apologize, even if you don't know what for exactly.

As I step out, I walk over to a large tree. For so long it had been a source of comfort, but now it only reminded me not to make any more mistakes.

You sob out my name, as though your not sure if it really is that. You say something else that I'm sure I wasn't suppose to hear.

"_Inuyasha, I still love you."_ You are starting to realize now....

"_My name is Hojo," I say as a reminder to myself not to make any more mistakes with you. The spell that had held me captive before was gone, and I walked away, before it could take hold of me again._

I know you heard me when your sobs became louder. Now, it's all clear isn't it. You use to think you were the replacement and that I was the one that was selfish. But, when it came down to it, I chose you, not Kikyou. And, when you were in my position you chose to replace me with the me that you made clear to that you didn't want.

This I know now: _Life is no fairy tale, and the choices you make affect your future for the better or for the worst. Even the choices of a past life can have a significant impact. And fate has seemed to deem that you and I should never be, even if it has to cost our happiness and lives once again. But I will break this cycle. I will give us the chance to have a better life with someone else. Even though my heart still cares for you, I know there must be someone out there that can make our liefs more full than what we could ever do for each other. _

**

* * *

**

**Love is for fools: I know you guys must have figured out who it was before the end. Unless it got to confusing. I suck at this kind of thing. If you didn't figure it out until the end, then tell me who you thought was in each place. And, tell me if you thought the way I presented Kagome as selfish was realistic or not. Thankies for reading!**


End file.
